Today is the feast of Saint Ignatius of Loyola. He’s famous for the development of what’s known as the spiritual exercises—a month long retreat to ground (or re-ground) you in your faith—especially if you have a big life decision or transition to make. They’re not only the foundation of the spirituality of the Jesuits but have influenced countless other Saints too—like Mother Teresa, Edith Stein, Francis de Sales, and Teresa of Avila—to name a few.
One of the darker (and less talked about) steps of his exercises is a meditation on hell. Ignatius tells you to ask God for the grace to not only imagine hell, but to give you an interior sense of the pain of the damned…to know what it’s LIKE to be in hell. I had a cup of coffee with a priest recently who shared with me that his spiritual director had him “next-level” that meditation—not just thinking about hell, but imagining what his hell would be like.
He envisioned himself balancing on top of a tall pillar. It went down to a gray earth, which spread out endlessly in all directions, meeting a gray sky. All he could say was “alone.” When a cold wind blew him off, his one hope was ending it all before hitting the ground, but he’d only find himself alone on top of the pillar again.
That was one intense cup of coffee!
Ignatius is blunt about his motive for this meditation: when it comes to our biggest temptations, if the love of God isn't enough to move us to do the right thing, fear of hell can serve as a solid backup motivation. He'll take it. But more importantly, what he was really after was for us to see—in detail—what exactly Jesus has saved us from. Because a man who has really seen that spends the rest of his life grateful.
But if I may be so bold as to add to Ignatius (yeah I know…that’s REALLY bold), I think if you meditate on what hell might be for YOU it can also shine a light on your recurrent vices, and the motive behind them all.
So often when we fall into sin, we’re not going for a reward, but a relief. We’re running from something we recoil at deep down inside—our deepest fear and our personal hell—but WITHOUT grace.
Do you fear the hell of isolation like the priest I was talking to? When you sin, you’re probably compromising your values to make people like you…because you’ll do anything to avoid your hell, after all.
If the hell you imagine centers around pain, it could be that most of your sins center around sensuality.
Maybe the “fix” for your recurrent sin isn’t that ongoing wrestling match with yourself. Maybe it’s inviting Jesus into the emptiness you’ve spent your life trying to outrun.
St. Ignatius of Loyola, pray for us.
